Travel or Escape?
What is in human DNA that makes us want to leave home? Why do we want to leave what we know, the place we worked so hard for, the friendships we nurtured for so many years, and travel into the unknown? I suppose, for the most part, it’s curiosity: that itch to experience something new and feel somewhat uncomfortable. It’s natural, yes. Our ancestors have been travelling to unknown lands for millennia, but why now? So many of us are privileged and endlessly lucky right where we were born. Life can be difficult for anyone, but having a roof over your head, family, friends, and a secure income, why leave, right?
Most people will respond with, “to experience new cultures” or “to see the world”. I agree, and those were some of the main reasons I left home too. But there’s more to it than “expanding your mind”. I think we are running away from something, or maybe trying to find something we don’t know yet.
Leaving the UK was an easy decision for me at first. It was something I had wanted to do for most of my life, even as a child. I suffered from a lack of belonging for many years growing up, but found sanctuary in nature and around animals. As an adult, I created a special life surrounded by friends and a community with whom I shared some of the most precious moments of my life. I was anchored, but still unfulfilled. I struggled with this feeling. Was I ungrateful? Depressed? What was wrong with me?
Living in one of the most nature-depleted countries on Earth, combined with ever-failing political systems, I had to go. But in search of what? I sought wilderness and freedom, but what was I looking to gain?
For months, I opened my heart to new places and new people. I fell in love and felt at one with the space around me. But everywhere I went, the same issues presented themselves: reduced and ruined biodiversity as a result of human negligence, government exploitation, and wealth inequality. I wasn’t escaping these issues from home; I was experiencing new ones. This was a lot to unpack, and my mental health was, at times, suffering because of it.
The guilt I felt as a privileged person “holidaying” in poverty-stricken places was unavoidable. Combined with the anger I felt at the lack of respect shown to much of the wildlife, it became an inner battle that I still deal with today. I went to become closer with nature, but every day I felt like I was looking the other way to avoid disappointment and hurt. Was I not supposed to be having the time of my life?
So, after three months of non-stop travel, what did I do? I left. I cut my trip six months short and moved my life to Australia. At first, this felt like I was giving up on my dream of island-hopping and knowledge-hunting, but it wasn’t the right time, not for me. I was naive and unprepared, emotionally unready. I will go back in time with a plan to do something worthwhile for the environment and the people, but for now, I rest.
It’s okay not to experience what others experience, and it’s important to know when to move on. Travelling is not going to fix your problems. In fact, it might even give you some new ones. But the Earth isn’t here to solve your issues. I think nowadays, “backpacking” can be a little performative. Who are you doing it for? Give yourself grace, and remember why you left in the first place – it was for you, not others. Whether it was everything you had hoped for, or if you feel confused at why it didn’t live up to your expectations – both feelings are valid, and they’re yours!
I feel intense gratitude for the experiences, good and bad, because they confirmed that I am on the right path. I care deeply about doing right by nature, and sometimes that means removing yourself from situations that don’t align with your values. The planet needs time to heal, so let her.
